Thursday, June 21, 2012

Bread Crumbs or Croutons?

Who knew that slicing bread was a skill I needed to teach my daughters?

Apparently the bread knew, but it wasn't telling ...

I did hand my daughters the serrated knife and say, "Make sure you use this knife. It will work best." Famous last words, I know, but they were so insistent that they could do it themselves. You've seen what the bread looked like before.

Here's what it looked like after my L got through with it ...

"Mom! Most of this loaf isn't any good for toast anymore." 
What you don't see is the sad little quarter loaf that's hiding off to the side. It's lonely. Seriously ...

It seems that in my daughter's rush to prove how independent she is, and in my utter ignorance of the need for specific instruction, I neglected to tell her that you can't just jam the knife down, but that a serrated knife works best when you slide it like a saw so that it can cut the bread. Another one of those things they don't tell you in the parenting instruction manual. :)

Luckily, for the bread, I rescued it as L was about to throw the whole crumbly mess away ...


Although I haven't decided yet if it's destined to be reincarnated as croutons or bread crumbs, it did live to be eaten another day, and I finally managed to show L how to really wield a knife.

Monday, June 4, 2012

A fake British accent?!?

M came marching out of her bedroom. (You know, the bedroom that she is supposed to be in? The same bedroom in which she should be winding down for the evening ... ) On her head was perched a striped birthday hat. My 10 year old burst into a near perfect British accent while saying, "Please, Ma'am. Can you spare some grapes? I couldn't even afford some food. All I could afford was this little cardboard hat ... "

Two thoughts:

A) Where the heck did the girl learn to talk with that accent?

B) We might need to discuss priorities ... a cardboard hat vs. imminent starvation ... hmmm ...

More Funnies for the Journal ...


L's taken to praying every night that I'll meet somebody nice to date and marry ... (Lest you think that this obsession dominates my daughters' thought processes, she has also taken to praying that I'll be able to find a good teaching job when I am ready.)

The first night? "Please bless Mom that she'll meet somebody nice who will be good to us to marry and date." 

The second night? "Please bless Mom that she'll meet somebody nice and good to date and marry." (At least the order of events has been corrected.)

The third night? "Please bless Mom with somebody nice and kind to date and marry."

The fourth night? "Ugh ... Oh yeah, and please bless Mom that she'll meet somebody to date and marry. Oh, and please bless that he'll be nice and kind."

Apparently, she was hoping for much quicker results. ;)

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At the tail end of May, our home teachers -- two kind men from our church who stop in for a visit occasionally to make sure that we are well and happy, etc. -- stopped in for a visit. That's about where the normalcy ended ... 

One of my home teachers (in age somewhere between my parents and my grandparents) asked if I am dating anyone. I laughed. (You have to understand, apparently there is something in the water, because a great many people trying to subtly bring up this topic lately.) M looked at them in all seriousness and said, "She gave that up." L followed that up immediately with, "But we keep praying that she'll meet somebody nice." M finished it off with, "She gave that up a while ago. What was it, like five months ago or something, Mom?" Yeah, it was that kind of day.

After looking slightly dazed at the girls' verbal onslaught, the same man that opened the can of worms said, "No, I have a reason for asking! There's this nice young man that we know. I still have to check with the boss and see if she thinks it would be a good idea for you to meet him ... but he's just a really nice young man." ("The Boss" would be the wife ... ) It seems that they met this fellow in the course of one of their service opportunities.

My other home teacher apparently had the same concern that was hovering in my own mind. He turned to his friend and said in a firm and purposeful tone (think of your grandpa saying "Now hold on just a minute!") "Just how old is this man?" After he found out that the fellow is just a few years older than me, he relaxed a bit and said, "Yup, you just go ahead and clear it with the boss lady ... "

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Funniness to Remember ...

*You can read these or not, but they're funny moments we've had in the last few days. Since part of the reason I blog is to maintain a record of our lives, I wanted to include them here. The girls are hitting that fantastic preteen phase, and I figure that the more laughs I can go back to relive, the better.* 

Measured the girls. Apparently we measured M wrong last time, since today she measured at the mark lower than the most recent one. (About a centimeter different ... ) L was giggling maniacally, saying over and over, "You shrunk!" 

M's response? "I must have used too much hot water ... " It seems that she thinks we shrunk her in the wash.

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Earlier today the girls were using M's haunted house (a fourth grade project) to play with their Littlest Pet Shops. L came up with a story line, "Pretend these two got poisoned -- this boy and this girl." 

M's response? "That's still copyrighted."

L? "nuh-uh ... " 

M? "Yeah, it's off of the Haunted Mansion. Remember, the boy poisons the girl?"

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M: Mom, why aren't you dating?

Me: You have to meet people to date ...

M: (shaking her head and heaving a great sigh) Okay, I'm just going to say it. I really want a step dad. Okay? I just do.

Me: Oh, you want a step dad ...

M: Why don't you just do that online thing? PLEASE do the online dating thing, PLEASE?!?

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